Taking One for the Team (and for myself)

It's been a while since I live-blogged from the chemo room here in Johns Creek. I just thought it was a good time to catch everyone up on the latest. You may be wondering why I'm here when at last report I was headed for a nice long break from chemo. Well, that's where the title of this post comes in. 

I had been enjoying the break, I must say. And as a practical matter, my chemo always has to involve a Wednesday visit to Dr Z's. Either I start on Monday and have my take home pump removed on Wednesday or I start on Wednesday and d/c the pump on Friday. So with Christmas and New Year's days falling on Wednesday this year, it would have been January 6th before I could have had another treatment. 

Faithful readers will recall that the last couple of times I've had lengthy breaks, things didn't go too well. I ended up feeling crappy from cancer, as opposed to crappy from side effects. But the crappy from cancer is obviously a more serious matter. I had been conveniently ignoring this little fact while making my plans to go chemo-free from Thanksgiving until week 2 of January. 

It was the team, meaning my family, that reminded me. Our oldest confided in Marcie that he was worried I would get really sick again if I was off chemo that long. She shared his concern, and shared it with me. I began to wonder, was I being selfish by foregoing treatment voluntarily? Maybe not, after all even Dr. Z had admitted he'd pushed me about as far as he could without some kind of break after November. And lest we forget, I'm still dealing with the dreaded osteonecrosis in my jaw, the pain from which has subsided, leaving only the dead tooth and bone scheduled to be surgically removed December 30th. 

The truth is, for many of us chronic cancer patients, knowing when to treat and when to rest is at best difficult, and at worst, a Sophie's choice. Stay on treatment too long and you stop being able to do the things you want and need to do - being truly present with your family, working, enjoying time with friends. Take too long a break and your disease could progress to the point that a) the treatment needed is harsher, or  b) you no longer have viable treatment options. 

It didn't take me long to work out the decision this time. Adam and Marcie were right. Six weeks off would have been too long. So I'm here today, 3 weeks after my last treatment, then will have another 3 weeks until my next one. That's the best plan I could come up with - for my family and for me. 

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As we all look forward to time off from work and school, it is my hope that each of us is able to have some moments when we reflect on and perhaps connect with those most dear to us. 

Happy Holidays to all, and thank you for supporting me through another year of life's challenges.