Myles - by Greg Changnon

For Myles:

One thing a teacher always hopes for is a supportive, trusting parent who enthusiastically sends his child into your classroom at the beginning of the year. This past August, when Myles learned that his younger son Josh was placed into my 7th grade classroom—a classroom in which older son Adam spent two previous years —I received an email from Myles that said: “Crap, two more years with you? What did I do to deserve this?”

Another email from Myles just six weeks ago in the middle of December: The day my oldest daughter got into college, Myles sent me a short note saying he heard the news: “Congratulations, Dad. You should be proud…” he wrote.
This is the story of two emails sent from parent to teacher or better yet, from friend to friend. One is a wisecrack, an elbow into the side; the other, a kind gesture from parent to parent, full of camaraderie, respect and support. For me, these two messages taken together capture what made this wonderful man such a treat and a joy. There is no better example of a person who could mix sarcasm and authentic emotion as effortless as Myles. Great humor. Great heart.

In the summer of 2011, as Myles was finishing up his first book WELCOME TO THE CANCER CLUB: SURVIVING ONE LAUGH AT A TIME, he gave my co-teacher Martha Caldwell and me a look at it for our comments and suggestions. I read the book in one sitting, amazed at Myles’s courage in making himself so completely vulnerable on the page. And to think this was his debut effort – he wrote like no first-timer I’ve ever read. It seems to me that he wrote as he lived his life – without fear, without holding anything back and with his whole soul.

Martha and I were honored to be two of Myles’s first readers; that is, until we got the finished paperback copy. Of course, we raced to the acknowledgments to see our names in print and hear Myles sing our praises. But this is what we found: “Thanks to Greg and Martha, Paideia School teachers, who took the time to review this book over the summer and provided great feedback.” So far, so good. But he couldn’t resist adding more: “So, if there’s anything you didn’t like, you can assume one of them made me add that part.”

And there’s that wicked sense of humor again. One of his fans on Amazon wrote: “Who knew cancer could be so entertaining?” High praise, and the truth. We probably all have our favorite moments from the book but here’s mine: A Beskind family tradition developed after Ally read a children’s book in which a family celebrates a daughter’s tonsillectomy by getting a cake inscribed with GOODBYE TONSILS. Myles wrote: “You should have seen the look on the bakery clerk’s face when Marcie asked him to write GOODBYE COLON with red jelly icing on a ¼ sheet cake.” Marcie, the great, beautiful sport that she is, actually pronounced it COLIN and said the family just spelled it weird.

But Myles as a writer was so much more than just funny stories. The easy elegance of his prose and the razor-sharp insights covering every aspect of his heroic fight reveal him to be an amazing intelligent man with a profound and unique way of looking at the world.

Aldous Huxley has said that “Experience is not what happens to you; it’s what you do with what happens.” In all of his writing and especially on his blog, Myles took an extraordinarily difficult experience and did something with it. He spun it into gems of wisdom that have affected and will continue to affect us for the rest of our lives. Look no further than his last post that appeared on Wednesday about what, in the end, he takes with him as he leaves us. This is it, he says, this is what he takes with him: the family he’s raised and the reputation he’s built.

Speaking of the family he raised, I—as well as many of my colleagues here today from the Paideia School—have had the honor, the privilege and the fantastic pleasure of teaching three very special members of that family he raised. Adam, Josh and Ally. Of course, as a teacher, I must say that every child is a gift. But…But what I want to say is that these three Beskinds were true gifts entrusted to us by two wonderful parents. My co-teacher Martha now uses the name BESKIND as a catch-all – as in “He is such a Beskind…” or “Yep, sounds like a BESKIND!”—a word that means a student who is accomplished, devoted, respectful, engaged, brilliant – simply, a teacher’s dream.

So here is the true measure of the man Myles was:

ADAM – a gifted thinker, a star on my academic bowl team, captain of the squad, who taught old-school teachers so much about computers – a common refrain when Adam was in our classroom and technology went down – “Get Adam!” – a performer with a special talent on display as Benedick in our class production of MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING and in high school musicals, especially in THE SECRET GARDEN playing the role of Fakir (Myles had a field day with that name when he told me about Adam’s role).

JOSH – A brave and courageous writer like his father, digging deep into the raw emotions of a story, another academic bowl player –my expert on all sports questions – a compassionate classmate and friend– a devoted student – an observer with keen insights. And a wicked Words With Friends competitor—what other 7th grader repeatedly trounces their English teacher?

And ALI – Authentic, unafraid, a tough athlete with a remarkable sense of a justice –recently challenging a classmate who described someone playing like a girl – “And how does a girl play?” she said. An aspiring journalist who has asked Ben her writing teacher to give her material extra reads, and a 3rd Beskind academic bowl player.

Three amazing kids, each one a gift that Myles and Marcie send to us at Paideia every morning. All three intellectually curious, fully engaged with the world and determined to have as much fun as possible. They have and will continue to carry Myles’s spirit and example into the world. They possess the wonderful blend of heart and humor that we so appreciated in Myles.

The relationship between parent and teacher can be a difficult one. Both are members of a team that is guiding the student through the education experience. And sometimes, of course, teammates can squabble, disagreeing over the right play or the most effective strategy. The best sort of teammate is the one who trusts the other completely, who remains grateful for the other’s participation and influence. Throughout the years I’ve been on the same team as Myles and Marcie (and my colleagues will say the same), I have always felt their unyielding support, their enthusiasm and gratitude for what we do in the classroom. I have always treasured Myles as a teammate, not only in the school environment but in the trivia world, namely at Napoleon’s in Oak Grove, and as one of my more enthusiastic academic bowl team dads.

Last September, we Paideia junior high teachers have the very special annual event that we host with great excitement every year – the parent night open house. Because Josh and Ally are twins and are in two different classrooms, Myles and Marcie had to tag team with Marci going one direction and Myles in another to Ben and Rachel’s classroom. Myles had seen Martha’s and my spiel—when Adam was in our class – so he went to see what Ben and Rachel had to offer. Toward the end of the night, Myles came upstairs to our classroom, took a look around at the refreshments we were serving and said, “I’m staying here. You’ve got better alcohol.”

That was one of the last times I saw Myles and it’s a perfect memory for me. There it is in one moment: In a difficult period of his life, he cared enough about his children and their education, and felt such a great need to show his support to the teachers, that he attended what would be his last Parent night. And he did not leave that sharp wit, that sense of play at home. Great humor. Great heart.

At the very end of his book, Myles wrote the following: “At the risk of sounding like a country/gospel singer, there are angels watching over us as we take the journey… I can only hope that most of my angels coughed up the $3.99 for this eBook.” Myles, even if what you wrote there was corny and a but too sentimental, I think you’re right, there are angels watching and I hope that they continue to do the top-notch job that you have and will continue to do watching over us.